I definitely had hesitations about meeting with another therapist after failing so spectacularly with my first choice. It’s hard to to trust anyone, let alone a complete stranger. But I ventured on to the next therapist and took the leap. Of course, making that leap on a Thursday on my lunch break? Probably not a wise choice.
This time I tried to be more clear when I was of course asked, why are you at therapy? What’s with this question, anyway? Everyone should be at therapy. Maybe someone should ask me, why haven’t you been to therapy for the last ten years, you idiot?
So I tried to explain my great big crazy mess – which definitely ended in tears. For someone who has a hard time trusting strangers, something about a therapist’s office sure gets me in that vulnerable place.
I’ve started realizing that the only way I can make it through a conversation about my best friend’s death is to be as generic as possible. “Oh, my friend that passed away.” But anything in detail, using her name, talking about her and how wonderful she was and I’m ugly crying so fast.
I made it through our first session relatively unscathed. It went pretty well. I felt at ease with her and planned to go back – at lunch again, because apparently that’s when her availability is.
Going back to work after a therapy appointment was rough though. It’s really hard to be that vulnerable and then have to get back into a different brain space. Also, had to fix my makeup a little bit. My 31st year is definitely not going as expected, but at least I’m working on it.