As mentioned in my first post, I went to a therapist for the first time in a long time with the intention of finding someone I could meet with regularly. After answering the initial, “Why are you at therapy” question, I feel like something went wrong.
Maybe it was me, maybe I listed too many issues, maybe I should have emphasized which issues I felt were more important.
Or, more likely, the problem was her.
The therapist picked out one thing and focused on it most of the session, and it was just the wrong thing. She also works as an infertility counselor so when I said I was trying to have a baby and having some anxiety around that – she decided that it was my number one problem. She also decided that I have a Type A personality and that I have gotten everything I ever wanted in life just by deciding that I wanted it.
This is not me at all. First, while I do find trying to make a baby a frustrating waiting game, it’s not my biggest problem. And second, while I’ve never really cared what my personality type is enough to look into it, I’m definitely not Type A – and having her decide that about me within 15 minutes of meeting me was irritating. I even tried to correct her, and that didn’t work.
Then she spent most of our session talking about how I have no control over when I get pregnant, that it’s all up to The Egg.
The Egg is in control.
The Egg gets to decide when it gets pregnant.
The Egg does whatever it wants, whenever it wants.
…is this therapy? If this is what therapy is, no thanks. I’ll go back to my adult coloring books.
I know I have no control over the process except to do all the things I’ve already been doing, i.e. period tracking, peeing on ovulation sticks several days a month, having sex during my fertile window. And actually I’m not super worried about this process. I just got married in June and have only been trying a few months and know it can take time.
I’d rather focus on my anxiety and why I have anxiety around this. Why I compare myself to others constantly. Or maybe the depression I’ve been having for months and how I can work on that before getting pregnant. Maybe my fears about post-partum depression. Just how to figure out everything that’s going on in my life and how I can work on managing my emotions.
We did spend a few minutes talking about some of my other issues, and she decided that we should meet weekly and talk about Trauma Therapy related to my best friend passing away and work on how I think about myself.
I decided to meet with her one more time – but to also put my feelers out for another therapist.