After a strange first session with the therapist and her focus on The Egg, I decided I should meet with her second time, give it another chance.
Kind of like when I was dating, and I thought I should go on a second date with the guy who wanted to show me pictures of his kidney stone.
Turns out neither of them deserved a second chance.
This time, she started the appointment late, spent the first several minutes discussing caffeine and how much she needed it, got a cup of coffee, then decided to look through my paperwork. When we finally got the conversation going, she decided to check her phone several times while I talked.
Gee, that sure made me feel like what I was saying was important.
Then she started talking about The Egg again, for way too long. She even asked me what my plan was for the week to not get too much anxiety about pregnancy. I said that I was planning on trying not to take a pregnancy test. That I would just wait and see.
She said, “Nope. That won’t work.”
Again I questioned, is this therapy? Because if this is therapy, I could have called a judgmental relative instead and saved my time. I thought the point would be to come up with strategies to ease my anxiety. I guess not.
The therapist literally said that the only thing I could do that week, was build an altar to The Egg and make offerings to it. She even googled a picture of a buddhist altar to use as a reference point. She was mostly joking, but she spent a lot of time talking about it.
She also complained twice about the cost of her infertility treatments.
Are we both here for the right reasons?
We finally got to stop talking about my eggs and fertility – just to focus on my husband and how he felt about trying for a baby. I was talking about our sex life and how I want to try not to make it a chore, and her great advice?
Show more cleavage around the house and wear sexy yoga pants. Seriously.
I’m not sure if it was the altar business, the checking her cell phone, or the cleavage advice that put me over the edge – but in any case, I decided I’m not going back to use her therapy services.
And that decision is really hard. It’s hard to open yourself up to a stranger in person. It’s hard to even decide for yourself that you need therapy. Everything already felt like a giant mess, and now here’s one more thing to figure out. Where do you go from there? Which therapist do you try next? Do you hold back at the next appointment for fear that this therapist isn’t “the one” either? I already have anxiety about my anxiety. Now I have anxiety about finding someone to talk about my anxiety with! Did I go into the appointment in the wrong mindset? What do I tell the next therapist when she inevitably asks, “Why are you at therapy?”